I Hate Siri Blues, a Work in Progress

To Siri with Love, by Judith Newman is a heartwarming book.
Siri is the best friend and etiquette teacher an autistic boy could have.
I am not an autistic boy, and I hate Siri.

Memphis Earlene and me, we’re hanging out on the Virtual Verandah.  Memphis Earlene is drinking White Russians in honor of Fearless Leader’s Fearless Leader.

I’m getting to know my new ipod Touch, which I was bullied by Apple Corps into buying because they no longer make the ipod Classic.  If you need lots of GB for your extensive music collection, the ipod Touch is all that’s available these days. It comes with a lot of other stuff I didn’t ask for, including Siri.

 

blue lunacy

Siri pops up as soon as I unlock New Device.
“How can I help you?” Siri asks.
“Take me to my i-tunes music library.,” I say.  Over 2000 songs on it, all of which come from my CD collection. having spent the last hour transferring some of my playlists and Genius mixes from laptop to New Device.


Instead Siri connects me to the Apple i-Tunes store and a barrage of ads for new music to buy.


“Siri, take me to my Own Music Library,”I say in an angry hostile voice I would never use on a fellow human being but Siri is an Android who works for Apple.
“I do not understand the request.” says Siri.


I go to the settings. Because Siri pops up automatically after I’ve unlocked the I-pod touch, and I haven’t figured out how to evade her.
I go to settings. Yes, I want to turn off Siri.


“You’re sure? Think again.” Or some equivalent message appears.
Also a choice of two buttons.
The button that will let me disconnect Siri does not respond.

“Siri is every obsequious salesperson who spritzes me with perfume and offers a free makeover when I just want to check out the shoe sale. Except she doesn’t respond to a polite no thankyou.” I tell Memphis Earlene.

“This is an  Upper Class Lament, and not the Blues” says Memphis Earlene.

Not yet, but I’m working on it.

 

 

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This entry was posted in Apple, Blues, Boomer Geezer, Depression, Technology and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to I Hate Siri Blues, a Work in Progress

  1. wrennlaw says:

    love this to infinity and all the other dimensions beyond that!

    On Tue, May 29, 2018 at 4:29 PM, Memphis Earlene wrote:

    > Memphis Earlene Gray posted: “To Siri with Love, by Judith Newman is a > heartwarming book. Siri is the best friend and etiquette teacher an > autistic boy could have. I am not an autistic boy, and I hate Siri. Memphis > Earlene and me, we’re hanging out on the Virtual Verandah. Memphis E” >

  2. othermail says:

    This one is good! I can really relate to it. This is really where your intellect, wit and writing shine …….. Seems to me like there is a lot of material for Memphis Earlene to comment on— enough for a book— and then a second one…….. I also like I Ching for Cats and anything you would do on fashion would be brilliant!

    >

  3. Rebekah Presson Mosby says:

    My android phone has something called Bixby. You can’t turn her off and she randomly pops up and introduces herself. I know just how you feel!

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