To Siri with Love, by Judith Newman is a heartwarming book.
Siri is the best friend and etiquette teacher an autistic boy could have.
I am not an autistic boy, and I hate Siri.
Memphis Earlene and me, we’re hanging out on the Virtual Verandah. Memphis Earlene is drinking White Russians in honor of Fearless Leader’s Fearless Leader.
I’m getting to know my new ipod Touch, which I was bullied by Apple Corps into buying because they no longer make the ipod Classic. If you need lots of GB for your extensive music collection, the ipod Touch is all that’s available these days. It comes with a lot of other stuff I didn’t ask for, including Siri.
Siri pops up as soon as I unlock New Device.
“How can I help you?” Siri asks.
“Take me to my i-tunes music library.,” I say. Over 2000 songs on it, all of which come from my CD collection. having spent the last hour transferring some of my playlists and Genius mixes from laptop to New Device.
Instead Siri connects me to the Apple i-Tunes store and a barrage of ads for new music to buy.
“Siri, take me to my Own Music Library,”I say in an angry hostile voice I would never use on a fellow human being but Siri is an Android who works for Apple.
“I do not understand the request.” says Siri.
I go to the settings. Because Siri pops up automatically after I’ve unlocked the I-pod touch, and I haven’t figured out how to evade her.
I go to settings. Yes, I want to turn off Siri.
“You’re sure? Think again.” Or some equivalent message appears.
Also a choice of two buttons.
The button that will let me disconnect Siri does not respond.
“Siri is every obsequious salesperson who spritzes me with perfume and offers a free makeover when I just want to check out the shoe sale. Except she doesn’t respond to a polite no thankyou.” I tell Memphis Earlene.
“This is an Upper Class Lament, and not the Blues” says Memphis Earlene.
Not yet, but I’m working on it.