Exercise Blues

“Woke up this morning/ And went back to sleep”….Epstein-Barre Blues, by Memphis Earlene Gray.

Woke up this morning, fed the cats, and got back in bed.

That was a few hours ago.

“Exercise can prevent depression,” says Scarlett, looking up from her magazine. She gets all her big ideas  from Vogue and Self. “Only four hours of light or two hours of hard exercise a week, according to the Danish National Institute of Public Health. ”

“This isn’t Denmark” says Memphis Earlene, who thinks exercise was invented by Non-Bluish people with too much time on their hands.

“This isn’t news, ” I tell Scarlett. “Each issue of every single magazine aimed at women contains an article  extolling the benefits of regular exercise. It’s really the same article, only with minor variations. ”

I’m feeling angry and I don’t know whether the anger is directed towards the Danish National Institute of Health or Scarlett. If you already suffer from  lack of joy juice, two hours on a treadmill or exercise bike sounds more like punishment for the sin of insufficient gratitude at being alive.

Who does she think she is, my mother?

“I AM SICK TO DEATH OF EXERCISE NAZIS,” I tell her.  “THERE IS A LIMIT TO THE AMOUNT OF TIME SPENT IN POINTLESS BORING ACTIVITIES THAT A DEPRESSED PERSON CAN STAND BEFORE SHE GETS EVEN MORE DEPRESSED AND STARTS BUYING THOSE BIG BAGS OF POTATO CHIPS AGAIN.”

Scarlett pays no attention to me, bless her heart.  She’s got my i-pod and she’s looking for music that makes me dance.

Life is hard, and sometimes you need to be reminded of its many pleasures. Especially the non-fattening ones.

That’s my position on the exercise issue.

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This entry was posted in Blues, Humor, Inspirational, women and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Exercise Blues

  1. Gita8 says:

    First they invent a pastry that no one can resist, then they tell you to exercise more. The Danes should make up their minds.

  2. rebekah says:

    Keep me posted on the music that makes us dance.

  3. easearle says:

    You nail it as always, Memphis– yes, the ”boring” part is under-acknowledged in all the happy-speak cheerleading about exercise. I find for me BIKING is the one exception as I can think my thoughts and the scenery at least changes… Keep ’em coming, Memphis!

  4. Kate says:

    So true, so true. Why can’t there be a class called “Middle Aged Women Dancing However They Feel Like Dancing As Long As They More Or Less Keep Moving To Fun Music?” I would sign up for that class.

  5. Love Kate’s idea. Along that lines there should also be something for Middle Aged Women whose Deepest Best Ever fantasy was to be Rock and Roll Back up singers.

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