Xmas Blues

Posted on December 24, 2012 by Memphis Earlene Gray

T’is the day before Christmas and I’ve got the blues.

“No surprise there,” says Memphis Earlene. “Good times to have the Blues include all major holidays. ”

Woke up this morning to the sounds of our Christmas tree falling over. Some of my favorite ornaments broken, including the little blue mermaid . I’d like to blame this on the cats.


young and foolish blue with plant

“Maybe it’s Karma,” says Scarlett, my fashion advisor. “What you get for abandoning your tradition. I don’t see any menorah. ”

“Why, this whole tree is a menorah,” I tell Scarlett.  “Look at all the lights.  And we keep it up for eight days.”

Larry is lapsed Catholic and I’m lapsed Reform Jewish so we celebrate Christmas, the superior holiday in terms of decorating opportunities . By all rights we should be celebrating Festivus, the superior holiday in terms of colorful traditions (the Airing of Grievances! Feats of Strength!) but there’s no place on the traditional aluminum Festivus pole to hang our ever-increasing collection of fabulous ornaments( Mermaids! Flying Cats!).  Every year we buy a few more.

It’s our tradition.

Posted in Blues, Christmas, Humor, Religion | Tagged , , | 3 Comments

Bookstore Blues and Blues Optimism

Posted on December 2, 2012 by Memphis Earlene Gray

Memphis Earlene and I just had coffee with our publisher, Bacon Press Books.  http://www.baconpressbooks.com/Memphis Earlene 1

BLUES FOR BEGINNERS: STORIES & OBSESSIONS  by Judith Podell, previously out of print (and highly collectible) is going to be an e-book!

Maybe even available by Christmas.  Certainly by Chinese New Year. Still working out details.  Like the cover art, for instance.

Memphis Earlene wants all the credit, even though I did all the writing.

“I’m practically a brand,” Memphis Earlene says.” You’re just the content producer. What’s your face doing on the cover?”

“ONly as a placeholder. In the final version you’ll be the cover girl,” I explain.

 

Posted in France | Tagged | 3 Comments

Bookstore Blues

Posted on November 26, 2012 by Memphis Earlene Gray


The place that used to be Barnes and Noble in Georgetown is now Nike.  How ironic, since Barnes and Noble, in combination with now defunct Borders Books, killed off most of Washington DC’s independent bookstores.

There is one bookstore left in Georgetown,  Bridge Street Books which is independently owned.  Rumor has it that the owner has a trust fund.

There are no bookstores in downtown Washington.  Borders used to be on 14th and F Street, while Barnes Noble was on 12th street.  More irony, since they drove my favorite bookstores,  Olssons and Chapters, out of business.  Both stores were staffed by readers, not cashiers.

Their  shelves were well edited, which encouraged serendipitous discoveries. Olssons was better for non-fiction, especially if you were looking for history, biography, and politics. Chapters was the go-to store for literary fiction and poetry.

Bookstores are sociable places.  The years when I worked downtown, readings at Chapters (followed by wine and cheese) formed a major part of my social life. Free entertainment although I’d usually buy the book and would stand in line for the autograph.  I got to meet some of my writing heroes (James Salter, Grace Paley  and Laurie Colwin come to mind) and tell them thank you.

Two independent bookstores remain, Kramerbooks and Politics& Prose. Some cities have none.

I am disturbed by the vision of a bookless future, which seems to be just around the corner.

Cyberspace may be infinite but it is airless.

Posted in France | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

Paula Broadwell Blues

Posted on November 25, 2012 by Memphis Earlene Gray

Schadenfreude does not belong in the Blues.  It’s the emotion I wallow in when Type A show-offs  like Paula Broadwell, get caught making fools of themselves in public.

“What did Paula Broadwell  ever do to you?”Memphis Earlene asks. “You’re not the one having an affair with General Petraeus.”

Point being that the blues are personal.  It’s got to be happening to you, not minor celebrities.

“Blues women mind their own business.  It’s part of the Code,” says Memphis Earlene.

“What about when you’re the other woman and you find out you’ve got competition?” I ask.  “I’d have too much pride to stick around.”

“There’s no shame in making a fool of yourself over some low-down cheating man or woman.  It’s tradition,” says  Memphis Earlene.  “Saint Louis woman with her store bought hair, etc. Frankie and Johnny. Delia, who loved all those rounders”

“So Paula Broadwell has the right to sing the Blues,”  I say, in a sarcastic tone of voice because something seems wrong, in terms of aesthetics if not morality.

Blues morality has  some connection to karma but won’t keep you out of jail.

“Jail is an occupational hazard of the Blues lifestyle,” says Memphis Earlene.” So are crimes of passion.”

Blues aesthetics are rigorous.   You can shoot your rival,  or your cheating lover.  What you can not do is meet him in the morning for a six mile run or send anonymous e-mails.

Running for any reason except to escape for your life has no place in the Blues life style.  Neither does e-mail.

.

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in France | Tagged | 2 Comments

Election Day Blues

Posted on November 6, 2012 by Memphis Earlene Gray

Memphis Earlene  heard Obama sing an Al Green song on Oprah and that’s all she needed to know.  Not that she has illusions.

“New Deal ain’t never coming back, not in your lifetime,” Memphis Earlene says. “Water’s gonna rise no matter what.”.

Scarlett  was leaning  towards Romney because that’s who her Daddy would have voted for and she’s sentimental. She’s also fascinated by Ann Romney’s  willingness to take risks.

“Ann should not have worn that black leather suit with short skirt on Jay Leno,  but I love that she tried,” Scarlett says.

I sigh.  It’s been such a long campaign.

“Please don’t hate me because I had a rich Daddy and never had to work for a living,” Scarlett says.

Scarlett’s Daddy did time for stock fraud.  This was back in the Sixties when the SEC still had teeth.

Scarlett’s Daddy was just a little ahead of his times.

So was she.

” If safe legal abortions had been available in 1956 you’d still be alive,” I remind Scarlett. “I’m not the one who hates you, but the Republican party thinks you’re a dead slut who got what she deserved.”

Dybbuks still can’t vote in the District of Columbia. Not that it would have made any difference.  We’re not a battleground state.

Posted in Blues, Humor, women | Leave a comment

The Writing Blues in French

Posted on October 4, 2012 by Memphis Earlene Gray

“Woke up this morning with the unpublished writers blues. No point tryin’ when you’re born to lose.”

You gotta suffer if you want to sing the blues. It’s the law. Memphis Earlene doesn’t think I’m doing it right.

” You  want to be down so low you’re crawling on your belly like a reptile.  You want to hurt so bad you can’t contain it any longer,” she says, and here comes the zinger.

“Right now you just got some ennuie. ”

Ennuie is  French, and everyone knows you can’t sing the  Blues in French.

Ennuie is French for bored.

Children get bored.  Adults are presumed to have Inner Resources.  Unpublished writers blues are trivial compared to  My Baby’s on Death Row in Texas  Blues or Raped-and- Pregnant Blues.

“Au contraire,” says Scarlett, my fashion consultant.  Ever attuned to trends,  she has decided that she is a French woman at heart.  “Ennuie is  a condition tres serieuse.  You need ennuie if  you want to be an Existentialiste. ”

Existentialism is what the French have instead of blues.

“I tried it in high school. Once was enough”, I tell Scarlett. “All us brainy misfits were into Existentialism except for the ones who were into Ayn Rand. We wore black turtlenecks and read Camus. They wore suits and read Atlas Shrugged.  Now they’re Masters of the Universe.  Sad, really. ”

Memphis Earlene yawns.  Too many words, and that suspicious note of self-pity.

“J’adore Camus,” says Scarlett. “He was a real life movie star.”

“Then maybe you can explain The Myth of Sisyphus,” I say, in a sarcastic tone of voice because Scarlett’s idea of serious reading is the Vogue September Issue. ” Guy rolls a boulder up a hill and it rolls down again. Day after day. Camus says he’s happy? I don’t get it.”

“Life is absurd,” Scarlett says. “Rolling a boulder uphill sounds a lot like  writing .”

And right now, for the moment at least, I’m happy.

Posted in Blues, France, Humor, Writer | Tagged , , , | 6 Comments

September Blues

Posted on September 22, 2012 by Memphis Earlene Gray

There’s only so much joy I can wring from Mitt Romney’s so far doomed efforts to portray himself as a compassionate human being.

“Yes I have the Blues again, thank you for asking,” I tell Memphis Earlene and Scarlett. “If you must know I’m confronting mortality.”

Not their problem.

Memphis Earlene, blues avatar, is at least 100 years old and expects to live forever, barring the invention of Universal Happy Dust.  Scarlett is a dybbuk, which is one way of dodging the issue.  She’s been dead since 1956, but she has a restless spirit and refuses to leave until the party is over.

Time means nothing to them–they live in the world of myth, where time can stand still or move backwards.  Sometimes my imagination lets me join them.

Not today.   Thanks to global warming there is barely a sign of autumn color on the leaves.  Don’t think autumn, think Prolonged Indian Summer. Thanks to major medical advances an American woman who isn’t poor can expect to live long and prosper. But I’m feeling the acceleration of time.

Any minute now I expect to find myself 90 years old, having outlived most of my friends, and with nothing to show for it except childhood memories, like the complete words to the Micky Mouse  Club Theme Song and the names of the more significant Mouseketeers.

Cubby,  Karen,  Darleen.   

Don’t laugh.  It could happen to you.

 

Posted in Blues | 5 Comments

Exercise Blues

Posted on September 8, 2012 by Memphis Earlene Gray

“Woke up this morning/ And went back to sleep”….Epstein-Barre Blues, by Memphis Earlene Gray.

Woke up this morning, fed the cats, and got back in bed.

That was a few hours ago.

“Exercise can prevent depression,” says Scarlett, looking up from her magazine. She gets all her big ideas  from Vogue and Self. “Only four hours of light or two hours of hard exercise a week, according to the Danish National Institute of Public Health. ”

“This isn’t Denmark” says Memphis Earlene, who thinks exercise was invented by Non-Bluish people with too much time on their hands.

“This isn’t news, ” I tell Scarlett. “Each issue of every single magazine aimed at women contains an article  extolling the benefits of regular exercise. It’s really the same article, only with minor variations. ”

I’m feeling angry and I don’t know whether the anger is directed towards the Danish National Institute of Health or Scarlett. If you already suffer from  lack of joy juice, two hours on a treadmill or exercise bike sounds more like punishment for the sin of insufficient gratitude at being alive.

Who does she think she is, my mother?

“I AM SICK TO DEATH OF EXERCISE NAZIS,” I tell her.  “THERE IS A LIMIT TO THE AMOUNT OF TIME SPENT IN POINTLESS BORING ACTIVITIES THAT A DEPRESSED PERSON CAN STAND BEFORE SHE GETS EVEN MORE DEPRESSED AND STARTS BUYING THOSE BIG BAGS OF POTATO CHIPS AGAIN.”

Scarlett pays no attention to me, bless her heart.  She’s got my i-pod and she’s looking for music that makes me dance.

Life is hard, and sometimes you need to be reminded of its many pleasures. Especially the non-fattening ones.

That’s my position on the exercise issue.

Posted in Blues, Humor, Inspirational, women | Tagged , , , , | 5 Comments

Happy Anniversary Blues

Posted on August 6, 2012 by Memphis Earlene Gray

My blog is one year old today.  I want to celebrate with a cup cake from our neighborhood bakery, but no one’s in a festive mood.

“If it was your blog it would have your name on it, not mine, ” says Memphis Earlene.

“You’ve got better name recognition, but I’m the one who does the work,” I remind her.

Memphis Earlene  shakes her head.

“Using my name is just one more instance of Jewish  people ripping off Blue-ish people.”

I’m used to Memphis Earlene pulling rank on me but this is the first time she’s ventured into the swamp of identity politics.  It is my duty as an American to make sure she doesn’t get stuck there.

“The blues are universal.  Just like literature and poetry. They were invented by black people over 100 years ago and are kept alive by people who love them. That’s how culture gets preserved,” I tell her.  “Sorry to sound like a civics lesson.”

“You go, girl,” says Scarlett, with what I hope is irony.

In addition to cupcakes, the neighborhood bakery sells maple syrup bacon flavored ice-cream sandwiches.

 

Posted in Blues, Humor, Inspirational, Religion | Tagged , , , | 7 Comments

Kafka Blues Part Deux

Posted on July 19, 2012 by Memphis Earlene Gray

Kafka Blues Part Deux.

Posted in Humor, Prague, Shopping, women, Writer | Leave a comment